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May 22, 2006



Abusive parents, child molesters, murderers, rapists...I believe there is a special place in (hell) for all of them! You were so sad. It certainly takes a lot of courage writing about these events in your life and that makes you a hero in my eyes. Who knows, you just might be helping someone else to confront their own issues.


It's like the story of humankind: the weak are always at risk, most adults are too greedy and/or engrossed in their own problems to really hear a child. That your parents were fatally flawed just heaps so much more agony on the pile.

I'm so glad that you were one out of all your siblings that made it out with your sanity intact.

I once grew some zinnias for 4-H. When the time came around for showing them at the fair, they had not had enough sun and the buds had not yet popped. Needless to say, I didn't win any prizes with the little things. I was so frustrated, when I got home I threw them on the manure pile. In a couple of weeks they had grown to about quadruple their size, and were blooming to beat the band.

I love zinnias.

pissed off patricia

Damn, what a childhood. I think the kids of alcoholics have to grow up so fast that we were adults way before we should have had to be. I too walked away from my family and it was the best steps I've ever taken.


I am so glad you are safe and sane now. It's a testament to your unbreakable mind and spirit. You are an amazing person and I'm sorry that you suffer dreams of the past you have worked so hard to escape.


TFLS, your brother lives within his own personal hell -- imagine living inside that skin. You've experienced undiluted evil, and you've not only escaped, you've found ways to thrive.

There is a similar story within my family, which I also survived. My own self-medication was better living through chemistry with alcohol chasers; and now, almost 18 years of sobriety later, I am at peace with who I am and who I've become.

I honor your journey of survival. You've made difficult choices, and you have come out better for them.

Kenneth Quinnell

Wow, and I thought I had it bad with my drug dealer father and drug addict mother. It goes to show that there is always someone who had it worse, although I'm not sure you can say that...


I'm aghast that someone would treat their own sibling like your brother did. I think I would have given up on that family a lot sooner than you did! I'm glad you finally decided they were no longer your family. You don't need people like that, in your life! I hate that you had such a terrible frightening childhood. Thank goodness you've overcome the horror.

The CultureGhost

I read this late last night; I was exhausted when I finished it.

Good God...


I'm so sorry that this happened to you...and continually too. It sounds as if you have a faith...may that get you through the rough times when they find you in your dreams... or the scent of jasmine.


Oopsie...I meant honeysuckle.


Oopsie...I meant honeysuckle.


Some people, including your parents, shouldn't be allowed to reproduce. But thank goodness they did, because we have you, FLS.

I have a sister who doesn't have selective memory like yours does. Instead, she's become a lot like our crazy mother, something she vowed she'd never do. My brother and I are the sane ones, or at least as sane as people can be after surviving an insane childhood.

The human spirit is amazingly resilient, and you, FLS, are a shining example of that.



From this day forward, when I see a honeysuckle bush my thoughts will come to rest on this story and on you. The will to live and the knowledge of knowing right from wrong allowed you to share this story.

Perhaps your brother has gone off to the other world. I hope so for your sake, so that you may never lay your eyes on him again.

Your childhood in Capitola was far from fragrant. Tell me, though did you ever get to the ocean and to the rides in Santa Cruz?? I hope there is some good that occurred then....but your goodness is so very much appreciated NOW!



I started reading, and couldn't finish. I forced myself to read through tonight, because you were forced to live it all. There are no words to equal what happened to you, not one. I'm so sorry. I'm so glad you're away from them. I'm so grateful you didn't let them steal your life or your voice. *hug*


I did manage to read this through, but found I couldn't breathe at times. At least they didn't get your soul darlin! That is the thought I still comfort myself with, even at this late stage in my life.

Lingual X


I am just catching up on your blog now. I am so saddened by this story. But, like others, I celebrate and honor your strength and your will to survive. You are an amazing spirit--in all of your writing, your sage spirit connects with your readers.

For those of us who don't know you, your gift to us is so often your words. Thanks for this brave and heartstopping (to quote James Merrill) present.

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