Introductions, introductions! Such a bitch, don’t you think? Still – gotta know what you’re signing up for. Time is money, after all (hear it ticking? One more second and you’ll spontaneously combust!). So come on down! Is this trip worth the dime, or not? Right or Left? Left or Right? Declare yourself, woman! After all – this shit’s important – can’t listen to just anyone these days. So - what is it? Limbaugh or Franken, Malken or Garofolo – someone’s got to be the devil with a blue dress on. God forbid there be a middle ground! I mean, really - it’s just not possible to call a pox on both their houses - right? To point out that not only does the emperor not have on any clothes, but the little girl who points out that somewhat salacious fact did so at the behest of her manager-father in order to secure a three-picture deal.
And what of the fat lady herself? Just who in the blazes does this old broad think she is, demanding a plate at the table? (oh those metaphors – ya just gotta love ‘em!). Well, there’s only one possible answer to all that, my dears – and it involves the proverbial nether orifice. If the uninformed can expose their rather messy parts to all and sundry (and especially to sundry); than this somewhat grumpy, middle-aged curmudgeon can flash away as well. Yes indeedy, folks – wisdom comes wrapped in a variety of packages – and I’m about to introduce you to mine. Oh I know, it’s only one voice amongst many, etc., etc. – but hang on, kemosabe – this fat lady’s capable of multiple arias!
So – here we are, about to participate in an exercise rife with opinion, salted by ego, and fueled by not a small helping of the ‘By God I’m rights’! What, say you is the point of exposing one’s private opines across the ether for all to see? Have I been anointed by the current cabal, charged with the oh so important task of leading the faithful to salvation? Or am I some erstwhile streaker, shaking my fanny in the wind, dead set on easing an itch leftover from decades past? Well – we’ll see, my lovelies; we shall see. How’s about I let you-all be the judge? (Sorry ‘bout the regionalism folks – comes from living in a confederate state).
Y'all come back now!
The Fat Lady
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